Where Are My Keys?

Checkmate!

Nothing like making fun of a dead kid..

During a graduation speech, no less:

 

 

Kicking it with Pablo..

What would you do if Pablo Escobar wanted to play soccer with you?

Twenty years ago, Oscar Pareja was the star and captain of Independiente Medellin in Colombia, in the time when murderous drug czar Pablo Escobar terrorized the country.

One day in 1991, Pareja got a message. Escobar would like him and six of his Independiente teammates to come to Escobar's one-man, government-built luxury prison -- La Catedral -- and play a game. Escobar wouldn't be watching. He'd be playing against them.

What happened next Pareja has never shared with any of his three kids, nor any of the players he's coached, nor any reporters.

He went. He had to. Declining Escobar's invitation would be tantamount to signing his death certificate. Escobar had ordered the murder of thousands -- police captains, business owners and judges. The year before, he had ordered the executions of no less than three Colombian presidential candidates for not seeing things his way.

So Pareja said yes, even though it was the middle of the season. "Coach said practice was canceled," remembers Pareja, now 43. What else could the coach do? "For all we knew, we were partly owned by him (Escobar)."

La Catedral hung over Medellin like Olympus. It sat on a cool hill and was lavish -- with jacuzzis, a gym and a fully lit soccer field. From it, Escobar continued to carry on his billion-dollar cocaine business.

Pareja and his teammates were escorted into an ornate sitting room, where they waited, nervously, for the bloodiest man in Colombian history.

"There were fine couches in there," remembers Pareja. "And TVs. And they gave us snacks to eat. And then a bunch of bodyguards came into the room, and then (Escobar). And it made me wonder, 'Who, exactly, is the prisoner here today?'"

Escobar, then 42, took a seat on the couch next to Pareja. He treated Pareja like a visiting god, calling him by his nickname, El Guapo.

"That day I can't forget," says Pareja, 20 years younger than his host. "He sat next to me talking about (soccer) with great passion and knowledge, for an hour. He knew everything. He said to me, 'Why do you yell at the refs so much, Guapo? We pay them. This does no good.'"

Eventually, the players were escorted to the prison soccer field, which was lit for the night. Escobar came out in sweat pants and a soccer jersey, and played left midfielder, "even though he was right-footed."

Pareja's teammate, Carlos Alvarez, had to guard him, a most delicate job. Guard him too lightly, and Escobar would feel disrespected. Guard him too closely, and Escobar would feel humiliated. Either way, it could mean his neck.

"Don't kick me," Escobar told Alvarez with a grin, "because (if you do) you will stay here with us."

"Carlos only pretended to guard him," Pareja remembers. "He never got the ball from him once."

There was only one ref -- Escobar.

outcrazying crazy..

In America, college kids do drugs and play video games.  In Russia, they climb tall structures and do stupid things.  We have a Starbucks on every corner, they seemingly have unlocked and unguarded radio towers on theirs.

 

Two things run through my mind when I watch this..

1. Holy Sh!t, that's pretty high up!
2. Is any construction site in Russia ever locked to keep idiots out?

 

Nice grab by my old boss..

He never did this barehanded while we played softball (although I did once, in the outfield):

 

I do love wings and bacon, but..

These may have crossed a line.

This product gives a whole new meaning to "porking" your significant other:

So this is confusing..

Since being elected, Barack Obama and his minions have told us we need higher taxes, and more Government spending.  Today, The President of the United States advises the newly elected Socialist ruler of France to not follow his campaign promise of ending austerity measures.  The President says that doing so will damage the World Economy.

President Obama's spokesman warned the new socialist president-elect of France not to implement his campaign agenda of ending austerity measures, indicating that such a reversal could damage the world economy.

"A balanced approach . . . Both fiscal consolidation and efforts to boost the recovery is the right approach for Europe," White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told reporters today. "That's an approach that he thinks ensures that the recovery continues while putting our fiscal house in order."

French President-Elect Francois Hollande called for an increase in government spending and taxes. "Europe is watching us, austerity can no longer be the only option," he said upon winning the presidential election.

Meanwhile, here in the States, Obama continues his push for higher taxes, larger Government, and not plan to pay down our ballooning deficit.

So why is it okay for Obama to do it, but not the French?

And you call that the "Tractor Story"?

Life imitates Seinfeld:

Having a koala urinate on you isn't pleasant -- especially if it puts you at risk of getting chlamydia.

That's the fear recently faced by Liam Payne and Harry Styles, members of the popular boy band One Direction.

The band is currently touring Australia and New Zealand and, as part of their visit, Payne and Styles each cuddled with a 3-year-old koala named Kat.

But during the encounter, Kat answered nature's call and whizzed right on them, according to HeatWorld.com.

That was bad enough, but the two teen idols, both 18, worried they saw their lives flashing before their eyes when they learned that 80 percent of koalas reportedly have chlamydia, a sexually transmitted disease whose effects include severe conjunctivitis (or "pink eye"), incontinence, prostatitis and kidney damage, according to AOL News.

In some koala cases, the chlamydia is so bad that the animals no longer have the energy to survive and suffer from urinary tract infections that are impairing the reproductive system.

To say that Payne and Styles were shocked to find out that being soaked with koala urine put them at risk is an understatement.

"I'm genuinely scared. This is worrying," Payne told the Sun. "I’d have never picked the thing up if I'd known."

 

Yeah, but he didn't swish it..

 

But this guy did.  Backwards.  In a real game.  In the fourth quarter.  In the playoffs.

 

J.R. Rider did something similar back in 1994: